Thursday, March 25, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Happy Mother’s Day! So how was it for you?
Well mine was lovely. Despite it being Mother’s Day, it was our weekend to have the kids so they were with us. I was very touched to wake up this morning to two lovely Mother’s day cards from my step kids. One was hand made by my gorgeous stepdaughter, at school. The other was a regular Mother’s day card with the word “Step” scrawled in large, wobbly letters in front of the “Mother’s” part of “Happy Mother’s Day”.
Whilst I was touched and it really was lovely, I still didn’t feel quite right about it. As I sat in my dressing gown, on Mother’s day, opening Mothers day cards from somebody else’s children I felt as fraudulent and guilty as Milli Vanilli must have felt when it was uncovered that the voices on all their tracks weren’t actually theirs.
After all, I never grew these little humans in my belly, went through an agonising childbirth, devoted every waking minute of my life to their care, and loved them with every fibre of my being for the rest of my naturals..... No, I rocked up half way through their lives, with a big bag of expectations, and then made a big song and dance about looking after them for one weekend a fortnight.
Don’t get me wrong, the recognition was lovely (an unappreciated stepmother is, after all, a recipe for instant resentment. Just add martyrdom.) but, I did feel a little undeserving of the accolades bestowed upon me.
It was time for a little phone call to the real Mummy, and the kids sang happy Mother’s day to her down the phone. Well at least my step daughter did. My step son was too caught up in the eventful imaginary world of his Gormiti to be even remotely interested in either me, or his mother! But when I spoke to her afterwards, she seemed emotional. Teary, and down she admitted that she’d found it very hard to wake up without them today. My heart went out to her – I couldn’t imagine how she was feeling, not least because I am not a mum, but I tried.
Whenever I try and understand how she feels I always try and turn things round to something that I can understand. So I imagined how I might feel if I were forced, through no choice of my own, to forfeit our wedding anniversary and allow my husband to, instead, spend it with his ex. And to not only allow it, but be smiley and cheery and never let him see that it hurt me.
Oh. Yeah, I get it.
Ok, so it’s not really the same but the feelings involved are probably remarkably similar. Anger, sadness, resentment, and frustration spring to mind.
I have read a lot recently about how Stepmothers deserve to be acknowledged on Mothers Day and how we should all stand up and be counted! Really? There was a time when I would have agreed with this statement. And whilst I agree that Stepmother’s should be acknowledged and thanked for all they do (especially the full timers!), should that really be on Mother’s day? Have we not hijacked enough of her life already without taking over the one day of the year devoted to her as well? We're not mothers. We're something entirely different altogether.
So how about a day especially for step-parents? With over half of American families now operating as step families, shouldn’t step parents be recognised for having the special relationships we have with our stepkids, without taking over a day that, actually, doesn’t really fit our job description?
Monday, March 8, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
It's been sooooo long since we had a mid-week funny!!! But this one's worth waiting for!....
Marriage (Part I )
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing
when I want with my old buddies, and don't you
give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?'
His new bride said:
'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'
(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!'
'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no
good in bed either,' and storms out of the house.
After some time he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, 'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'
She says, 'I was in bed.'
'In bed this early, doing what?'
'Getting a second opinion!'
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his
wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion,
shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment..
Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife
to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece
of paper,'Please wake me at 5:00 AM..' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he
noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there
is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
- I have a new friend. And I mean that sincerely. I have to admit, to my surprise, that I haven't had to try very hard to like her. It actually came fairly naturally. We have lots more in common that either of us realised.
- The children seem over the moon with the situation. Their excitement and happiness is impossible to miss.
- My marriage has improved beyond measure. In fact, we are stronger and more in love now than ever before.
- I no longer suffer from "Outsider" status. Rather than having the sense of being on the outside of something that is "theirs", I now feel on the inside of something which is "ours".
- I am less likely to feel the sense of persecution that I felt before. I no longer feel under attack or like I am forced to share my husband and my world with "the enemy".
- Events such as parents evening, school plays and sports days are no longer likely to induce an anxiety attack that can be measured on the Richter Scale.
- My heart feels bigger.